This Mother's Day

This Mother's Day seems a bit different the second time around.  Last year, it was my first.  And I felt like I deserved it.  I had birthed this beautiful baby boy into the world and had the battle scars to prove it.  I had survived my first year and I was finally starting to really feel like a mom.

I've always thought of Mother's Day as a time to celebrate our moms.  To thank them for all of their love and support through the years.  To spoil and pamper them, rightfully so.  But I can't help but think about what this is all really about.  It's about that beautiful baby.  Without him, I would just be a girl, living a pretty ordinary life.  Without him, I would not be a mother.

Last night, I was putting Ethan to bed and he was playing a game that he has come to know, very well.  He gets super cuddly and kissy...asking me to read just one more book, or give him one last back rub.  We say our goodnights, and then I shut the door.  That's when the crying starts.  He will wail away for us...calling for mama.  Then calling for dada.  It breaks my heart.  We'll go in to soothe him several time, but he's learned by now that it's all part of the game.  I guess, what I'm trying to say, is that bedtime is tough!

And I would normally be here, ranting and raving about how tough motherhood is.  But this year, I just can't.

One week ago, a son was taken from his parents in the blink of an eye.  One minute he was running around, laughing and playing, and the next minute he was just...gone.  Running out to grab his frisbee...just at the wrong place, at the wrong time.

I can't even begin to imagine what that loss is like.  How empty the house must seem.  How unbearable walking past his room will be.  That awful silence.  I just can't even bear to think about it.

And I know that mother would give anything in the world to hear those wails.  To come to her son's rescue and soothe him once more at bedtime.

I am grateful, and yet so sad.  Death is so permanent.  There are no second chances.  There is no reset button.  There are only memories.  Beautiful memories.  But there is also a giant, gaping hole too.  

Everyone, through the help of social media, is mourning the loss of that sweet red-headed boy, Ryan.  Many of us are also mourning over the recent passing of sweet SUPER TEDDY too.  I will be thinking of both mothers this Sunday.  I will be hugging Ethan just a little bit tighter...and showing more patience and compassion in light of these tragedies.  I hate to say it, but it's in these moments that we truly realize how much we have and how tragic loss really is.  

I know this Sunday is about moms, but I will be thanking my lucky stars that I have my sweet little boy in my arms.

Happy Mother's Day

xo natasha


  1. It's so true, these sweet little boys are how we became mamas. I can't imagine what these mothers (and fathers) are feeling right now. No one should ever know the pain of losing a child. It really puts everything in perspective.

  2. Aw. Such a beautiful post. It makes my stomach curl just to think about the losses. Definitely reminds me that when my daughter flings herself in half for a tantrum and is red in the face, it's not that bad! Have a lovely day!

  3. So very true, praying for this sweet family!!

  4. Beautifully written! Happy Mother's Day Natasha!

  5. Spoken like a true mother. Death is so permanent you are tight, I hope that they are able to find some comfort in the community trying so hard to lift them up.

  6. Great post Natasha. I never post but always read your blog but this really touched me. I'm also celebrating being a mother for the second time (my daughter is 20 months) and I feel so grateful for her and our life.

    Happy Mothers Day to you and wishing you and your family health and happiness :)

  7. Beautifully written. It shouldn't be about the gifts and spending money. It should be about the gift we like to call life and the special time we spend together as a family.
    Happy Mothers Day!!!

  8. Such a nice post. I have tears in my eyes.

  9. This post. Exactly. I can't help but think of these two other mother's this weekend. They've been in my heart all week. I can't even fathom.

    xx Viv at JoieDeViv

  10. Beautifully written, N. I know every word comes from your heart. I've been hugging Quinn extra tight these days. I feel like sometimes there's a mommy complaining contest, a "you think your kid is bad, let me tell you about mine"....and I've been guilty of it. I imagine how the parents of sweet Ryan & dear Teddy would give anything to read just one more bedtime story. Perspective is everything. Thanks for the reminder, gal.

    Happy Mother's Day to you!!


  11. So, so true. It broke my heart in a million pieces when I read about Ryan and read about Teddy. I looked at Mason and just started crying. He looked at me like I was crazy. I just looked right at him and told him how much I love him. Definitely holding him a little tighter these days. Happy Mother's Day!

  12. I was so sad to hear about Teddy too. It is times like this that the blogging family really seems to come together and support each other.

    Happy Mother's Day sweet mama!

  13. Beautiful post. My heart aches for Teddy's family, how unfair. He was the smiley-est little guy, and should have been on this earth for much longer than he was. Same with Ryan.

  14. Such a beautiful post Natasha!