Talking about Suicide


May is Mental Health Awareness Month and the topic hits very close to my heart.  I've had the fortunate opportunity to step into a career--where I am supported in talking openly about mental health and work towards making a difference.

Some of you know, but many of you may not know that my family has dealt directly with mental health and illness.  For us, it lead to suicide, and I'm hoping you'll oblige me today to read more about my journey, struggle and hope regarding this topic.


Suicide is an ugly, misunderstood word. The mere fact that we use the phrase "commit suicide" is worse.  My brother committed to many things, but suicide was not one of them. I would argue that suicide, or rather--mental illness--committed to him.  I challenge myself regularly to change this language and reinstate the integrity behind the real problem: mental health.  No one "commits suicide", but plenty die from it...

Let me back up and tell you more about my brother.  Grant was a smart, confident, athletic, strong-willed, passionate, and yet stubborn individual.  He made friends easily and could pick up any sport with ease.  He was much more of a leader than a follower--and had two younger brothers that would easily attest to that fact.  As his older sister, I was both impressed and dismayed with him--or rather his outlook on life.  Grant could always find the short cut to success, whereas I would follow the rules, hoping it would bring about the same result.   He was very much my polar opposite in a lot of ways and yet I knew he would drop anything for me. His charisma carried him through many challenges in life.  Simply put, Grant was an enigma--people loved to be around him and most would agree that he had big things ahead in life.

Which is why I was beyond shocked to learn he died and in the manner that he did, and at such a young age...only 21.  Sure, he was stubborn and would have a bad temper, but nothing that we found unusual.  He just seemed like a typical, young twenty-something guy.  I will forever replay our interactions and playful banter for the rest of my life--and dream of the relationship we were meant to have.  But all of that is gone now.  My boys will never know their uncle--and yet I see so much of him in them. 

Perhaps the worst part about his passing was the shame--the sheer misunderstanding--that we had around the circumstances.  Ten years ago I did not talk about how he died or why he died.  There was stigma, fear, doubt, guilt and judgement around suicide. And I would say that it is still there today.  There are a lot of "what ifs" and "should haves".  There is a lot of misunderstanding.

So I am here today to talk about it.  To talk about him.  Grant.  My wonderful brother that I would give anything to have back.  I would not hesitate to take part in another one of his debates...or indulge him in his latest, greatest idea.  He was a smart, dynamic human being and I hope that by talking about this topic today, he will be honored and remembered.

If you want to join me, I humbly urge you to take part in the national movement.  Research.  Talk.  Take action.

We talk so openly about our physical health--sharing on social media without a second thought.  But why don't we talk about our mental health--something that is equally, if not more important?  

I challenge you to tag a photo on social media with #eachmindmatters and let's work together to reduce stigma and raise awareness.

Thank you for listening today.

xo natasha

21 comments :

  1. Thanks for sharing your story, this is really inspiring as my Dad passed from taking his own life 9 years ago. It's still hard to believe and while it doesn't get any easier I have learned to deal with it differently and approach the mental illness that he silently struggled with for many years prior.

    Prayers for your brother, and know he is watching over your kids as well :)

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  2. Thank you for sharing your experience and helping change the stigma around mental illness.

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  3. Thank you for taking the time to share this <3 My family has experienced a very similar situation (I lost two older brothers to suicide who were 19 and 21 just 6 months apart from one another-I was just 16). As you said, the stigma and judgement surrounding the topic of suicide was difficult those 12 years ago and still is today. It was refreshing to read another personal story and I applaud you for shedding light on this topic xoxo

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  4. Thank you for sharing your story! I am sorry this happened to you and your family. I had an aunt that passed too from suicide and although I never knew her I know my mom has a hard time talking about it, still. I am sure your brother would be proud of you today!

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  5. I'm so sorry that you lost your brother. I know you must miss him deeply. Thank you for sharing and for being so honest with a hard reality. I've struggled with anxiety and depression for years now, and I talk very openly about it...I figure if I can help one person know life can be better (with counseling, medication, whatever works...) then it's all worth it! Take care, Natasha...y'all have a great weekend!

    lindseylatelyblog.blogspot.com

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  6. I'm sorry to hear about your brother. I think that yes, there is still a stigma attached to it to some extent.... but compared to where we were as a society 10+ years ago, we have come so, so far! I have a friend who struggles with bi-polar disorder - has been Baker Acted several times, etc. It's hard. But it's so much better when we talk about it..... when she talks about it (for her, and for everybody who cares about her). It's part of her life - and not something to be ashamed of.

    Prayers for your brother.... and props to you for being so open about such a sensitive & private subject.

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  7. Thanks for sharing this Natasha - so sorry for your loss. My husband's father died from suicide 9 years ago and I hate that I never got the chance to meet him. Suicide affects so many people, yet it's still so hard to talk about. Thanks for taking a step to break down the stigma!

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  8. It's so nice to hear about your brother, Grant. Knowing you and your little brothers I can only imagine what a fun guy he was. So glad you are sharing his story and in turn helping other who are grieving the loss of someone to suicide or thinking about it themselves. Love you friend!

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  9. Beautifully written and said! I'm so sorry for your loss! Your brother sounds like he was beautiful person inside and out!

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  10. Thank you for talking about this, and thank you for honoring your brother. You are right, more needs to me said on this subject.
    We were indirectly impacted last summer when our next door neighbor died that way. We didn't know him very well, but we felt like we were such a part of the process afterwards. Each evening when we drove up to our house there would be many family members over there. It all became very real for us too...very sad for everyone.
    Praying for you all.

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  11. thank you SO much for sharing your story with us mama... it truly helps to talk about these issues publicly so that we can all learn and grow and help others in the process! sending you big hugs today and always OXOX

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  12. Thank you for talking about and addressing so openly a subject most find taboo. We too have experienced mental health diagnosis amongst family and it is hard! I praise you for being so open and honest. Much love!!!!

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  13. Not gonna lie, I'm crying over here. You are brave and wonderful for sharing something so personal and deep to you and your family.
    My uncle commuted suicide. A police officer of 25 years,wanted to leave his wife and saw no way out so I killed himself. The worst part was that his wife banned our entire family. Literally not allowed to go into the funeral home. My poor aunt was never allowed to say goodbye to him much less, has NO idea where he's buried, or if he's cremated.

    Suicide is just sad, it touches so many and it hurts deeply. Sending much love and hugs!! xxoo

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  14. Wow, Natasha. I had no idea. What a beautiful tribute to him, and I see Ethan in that picture so so much! I agree that we talk about our bodies obsessively but we are afraid to talk about our mental state. This is convicting in the best of ways.

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  15. So sorry to hear about your brother. I would imagine this was a difficult post for you to write. I lost a good friend to suicide about 9 years ago. In her late 30s, she developed adult onset schizophrenia and eventually took her own life. She did not live close by and I had lost touch with her during the time of her illness. Thanks for being so open about this hard to talk about subject. Take care.
    Shelley

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  16. I am so sorry friend - you are supporting an incredible cause and especially with it being so close to your heart. I have to admit, i've never been exposed or close enough to suicide to understand it completely x

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  17. Finally had a quiet moment to sit and read this. Love your strength in writing this, sweet friend. Tim and Grant sound so similar as we have spoken about. I am determined to change the language and the stigma as well. Love you beyond words and so profoundly grateful for your sisterhood in my life. xo

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  18. Thank you so much for sharing your brother's story, and I'm so sorry and sad for you that he isn't still part of your family's life. It is so important for the stigma to change and people get the help they need, mental illness runs in my family as well, and it's horrible that it can rob people and their own and families lives with them. Proud of your bravery in changing in the stigma and starting the conversation!

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  19. thank you for sharing this post, and i am so sorry for your loss. my husband is a psychiatrist and we talk all the time about how there needs to be more funding for mental health support and education. it's so important to talk about mental health and reduce the stigma so more people can seek help. xoox jillian

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  20. I am so glad you shared this and are willing to talk about it. I, too, have changed my words surround suicide. We lost a student, in February, to suicide, and it's been a huge focus for our staff. I lost two friends in high school to suicide, but they weren't a result of a mental illness - they were to make their parents mad. Such a permanent result to a quick decision, in those cases. In the case of our student, he suffered from a mental illness for YEARS, and I know that he now sees how much everyone loves him. It's entirely too late to change his fate, but I am still hopeful that he saved someone else's (or more than one) life. I am so sorry about your brother, but talking about it is the best way you can help someone else, in the same situation. xo

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  21. Such a powerful post about Grant and a big issue our society faces! Thank you for sharing!

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